Quotes from the collected Sio stories. 
 

From the original Chronicles of Tarkeld choose your own adventure novel that created Sio...

“You’ve not yet seen what I’m capable of,” said Mennon.

“Well so far from what I’ve seen of you mage pants has made you just look like a failed drag queen with a firework fetish.”

 

“I arrested her,” said the marshal. “For stealing from pretty much everyone she came across,” she said with a sneer. “And then she escaped, I still don’t know how.”

Sio nodded. “Yeah,” she said almost dreamily. “That was a fun afternoon, and that reminds me,” she then fished into her pocket and produced the cell keys. “These are yours,” she said dropping them on the table.

                                                   

“We’ll talk to him,” said Sio. “I’ll use my feminine charms on him.”

Ransha looked at her. “Feminine charms?” She questioned.

“I think she means threaten to stab him until he shuts up,” said Lain.

  

Jon was looking a little creeped out by Sio, he turned to Mennon and Lain. “Sociopath?” He asked.

Lain shook his head. “No she’s just a bitch.”

  

Sio looked at him. “What the hell have you done to yourself?” She asked of the wizard with his robe now wrapped around his chains.

“I was escaping,” said Mennon defiantly.

“Ok,” Sio began. “So how is that going for you?”

From Sio: Princess of Thieves

​

“Oh no, I only said that to calm you down, but it’s been confirmed now so it’s all ok right?” I smiled at her.
She glared at me. “What else have you lied about?”
“I dunno I can’t remember everything I’ve said,” I shrugged. “Doesn’t matter now.”
“It does if you’re going to lie to me again.”
“Everything from now will be the truth,” I lied. “Cos now we know everything
 

So I was stuck down a hole…sorry, I probably shouldn’t start like that…I was tomb robbing…I suppose that doesn’t make it much better really does it?
 

there can’t have been much food in there, which is kind of sad if it’s starving to death but that doesn’t mean that I want it to alleviate its hunger on my lovely body, I’m quite attached to my body, I don’t exactly have another one.
 

“I am a Syltare,” I said pointing at myself. “We’re known for adapting…it’s kind of our best feature…that and our hair anyway.”

​

“Reading a book I see?”
I smiled “Am I not allowed?” I asked putting on my cheerful face. “Should I be reading something with lots of pictures and only small words?”
 

Wandering about in my rogue gear was a stupid idea, if you’re walking about a city in leather armour with daggers strapped to you you are just screaming 'Arrest me please!' And then you have the awkward questions, although it can be fun to claim you’re into fancy dress and s&m and just watch the guardsmen weep.
 

contrary to popular belief I don’t steal everything, sometimes I just pay for things, I paid fair and square for the shoes…and stole a different pair because they were pretty…and criminally overpriced…it was my duty to take them away…

​

I smiled not giving a rutting dogs bollocks about some dead ruler of a foreign kingdom that had tried to wipe us out at least once, in fact I think this actual king invaded us…so he should be thankful I didn’t draw a dick on his tomb in gold paint.

​

I didn’t get where I was without a little caution…you quickly learned when to be suspicious or instead you quickly learned what the afterlife was like

​

“You know those arsehole pallies from last night,” I began.
“The ones you threw shoes at?”
“And hit them,” I added.

​

I could have bought the skirt? Hell no, have you seen what they’re charging in there? Honestly…and they call me criminal

​

She was hesitant. “You won’t kill me right?”
“Of course I won’t,” I replied, of course I wasn’t going to kill her, I hadn’t been paid yet.

​

Stepping inside was something else, the walls of the temple were painted so over the top it was worse than a drag queens boudoir.

​

The priest sniffed deeply…in this context that meant he didn’t believe me. “I would have expected someone looking more suited to the task.”
“Oh I’m sorry, do I not fit the archetype? Did you expect a six foot bloke smelling like a sewer with one eye, a mess of scars, wearing black armour and carrying an axe that makes him look small?”
“Well,” the priest said…so yes that’s exactly what they expected.
“You see I’d have thought that a sneaky small agile Syltare girl who can adapt and get things done would be far better than a walking meatcookie,” I put my finger to lip. “In fact I might be far less expected to be the thief because of how I look, I’d say that might be an asset, what do you think? Oh by the way I have your sceptre here, and your book…is it really that holy? Did you even notice it was gone?” I smiled at him.

​

“How many coin purses do you have?” Cerys asked as we scurried on again.
“I did have five,” I said. “Now I’ve got two…and then my money of course.”
“Who’s money was in the coin purses then?”
“The five Enoran priests who tried to kill me,” I said. “I took them on the way to the room they detained me in…now they’re helping us escape…money earned well spent in my opinion.”

​

“Yep, cos right now it’s easier to die than it is to live.” 
Cerys looked at me. “What?”
I smiled brightly trying my finest happy girly face that I love to use so much. “You told me not to lie,” I said.
“I already regret that,” she said looking pretty wretched.

 

From Sio: Freedom. 

“What do you want little bandit? Hiding behind rocks to rob innocent girls of what little they have on them, aren’t you ashamed?” 
The lead bandit rubbed his stubbly chin, producing a sound like rock on sandpaper. “You know, funnily enough I’m not,” he grinned

 

Regardless of that you’ve been preying here on poor travellers haven’t you?” 
“And you’d have been different?” 
“Yeah I would’ve actually,” I said. “I don’t prey on those that can’t afford it, you rucking lowlife even by lowlife standards, you’re below the bottom, I wouldn’t even feed your remains to pigs because they deserve better.”

 

"If you haven't heard from me in a few days assume I'm dead."

​

How do humans all breathe? Piled on top of each other, if you’re human and reading this I’ll put that question to you too, there’re just soo many of you…where do you fit?

“I’m being framed,” I said. 
“I gathered that,” she replied. “I didn’t think you were that crazy…” she paused looking at me. “…I’m pretty sure,” she said.
I pulled crazy eyes at her. “You know nothing,” I tried not to giggle.

 

She snorted. “Ok we can safely assume that this might work, and you’re insane.”

 

"You are one of the most active dead people I know."

Some of these buildings tower overhead leaning towards each other, staggered on each floor outwards, cheap way of making your house a bit bigger is to do that, at the top you also can reach out and pinch things off your opposite neighbours windowsill…or throw a bucket of swill into their bedroom…just saying it’s possible…you know if you’re pissed off with them or something.

“So let me get this straight,” Clovis began. “You want to go into prison to speak to a guy who may be one half of the team responsible for framing you and causing you to be on the run from as you put it, everyone in three kingdoms.” 
“Yep,” I said nodding. 
“Oh…” Clovis nodded. “And when you put it like that it…still sounds like a dreadful idea.”

 

“And you think that being by her side as her slave makes you be on a par with the great and good…” I spat theatrically into the ground “…of the kingdom, because you stand with a noble woman.”
“They see me, they acknowledge me,” she said, totally oblivious. 
“Yeah, they also acknowledge a toilet, doesn’t mean they see it as a social equal,”

“We'd been in Coll for a standard collection thing, and after a few drinks we decided it'd be a great idea to steal one of the king's banners from the walls.” 
“You tried to nick a banner?” I asked looking at him. “They're rucking massive.” 
“Yep,” he smiled. “Damn difficult to take too, specially with them guards around everywhere, bloody stupid it was too.” 
“Why did you do it then?” Cerys asked. 
“Well we 'ad been drinking,” he sniffed. “Seemed like a good idea at the time, on later thinking it prob'ly would have been better if I'd been wearing trousers.”

 

“Mages are bad enough, showing off and acting superior with their power, but insane mages are rucking dangerous,” I thought about Trixie for a moment. “Most mages if you speak to them and show them up they'll back off and listen because although they're idiots they'll listen if what you say is intelligent,” I paused. “Sometimes just to prove they're more intelligent than you but it works, Trixie though,” I shuddered. “She'll just set you on fire if she doesn't like what you say, or if she's angry with you.”
“Or if there's a bounty on you?” 
I nodded and added. “Or if she's in a bad mood, or a good mood, or if it's Tuesday, or if she wants a laugh, or if she just hasn't set anyone on fire for a little while and feels twitchy.”

 

From Sio: Tournament of Lies.

 

“They should love the victors, not this sad freak,” she replied.
“There will be plenty of time for the victors at the end,” said my new friend. “For now this is fabulous fun for all the family.”
“Or anyone that possess a sense of humour,” I glanced at Nessa. “Which rules you out I suppose.”

​

“Tell me Lucius,” I looked up at him. “Are you ever not an arsehole? Just curious.”

he said he was eternally grateful for my assistance and that I could consider him a friend,” I grinned. “Though he also said that if he caught me stealing anything from him he'd throw me in jail,” I shrugged. “Still took a candelabra on the way out.”
“And he did not arrest you?” A man asked. 
“Well he didn't know about it for a while, but I did receive an official letter a few days later than simply read 'very funny

 

“I will take my leave.” 
“Stupidity is not a crime so you're free to go,” I said waving 

Ransha burst through the door, herself wearing just her nightdress too, hair flowing, sword in hand. She looked around the room, seeing the bed shoved over, a man out cold on the floor, clay shards on the floor, books scattered and the chair in bits, she took it all in, looking completely stunned. “Oh hi Ransha,” I said calmly smiling. 

“Can you write a message or an inspirational line or something?” She asked. “Just so it's unique?”
I grinned. “Sure,” I said, and proceeded to write- 
Always be yourself, everyone else is an arse. 
Sio x 

The others stood back as she came up. “Boys,” she said to them, giving that pretty smile that deserved a slapping, then she sneered at me. “Bitch,” she said. 
I smiled. “Is that you saying hi, or are you introducing yourself? I'm confused,” I said.

 

He grinned, and immediately went full perv. “You come to take me up on that experience?”
“Think again,” I weaved the sword at his nethers. “That comes out it comes off.” 

“What was the point of that Claude?” I asked waving my hand at him. “I hadn't even decided what to do with you, I might have even let you leave here and get away, but instead,” I paused. “You're unconscious aren't you?” 

“Sorry Nessa, gotta run, hold whatever that thought was for me if you can, it shouldn't be too hard, there's plenty of empty storage space in your head isn't there?” 

Julius snorted. “The only way Nessa could win a fight like that is to sew Sio's mouth shut.”
“Don't be daft,” I said waving a hand. “There's no material strong enough to keep my mouth shut.” 

he pointed at me. “You don't go I will make sure that the only thing anyone reads about you in the newspaper,” he stabbed a finger into the paper on the table with my interview in it. “Is your obituary 

The snickers that went round the room caused her to glance around angrily. “I get you I'm not giving you any quarter,” she said to me. 
“That's ok, I was only going to ask for an eighth,” I said 

“A thought crossed my mind.”
“Did it Nessa? Must've been a long and lonely journey,” I said 

“I'm often jealous of people who've never met you,” I said with feeling.
 

“I did say at first, you're more than just the token girl playing around in armour.”

I looked at him. “Be warned. Today I wear armour, tonight a dress, I'm a girl who does both, and trust me,” I narrowed my eyes. “I could easily kill you wearing either.”

​

 

From Sio: Shipwrecked.

“I won’t fight you miss, ain’t right to hit a girl.” 
“Aww,” I said. “How thoughtful?” I backhanded him in the chest, he overbalanced, so I helped him on his way over the side of the ship. “More fool you really,” I mused, peering over, he had hit the side of the ship on the way down. “Ooo,” I hissed. “That must have hurt,” I shrugged

“You decent Sio?” The captain asked. 
“Decent? I’d say I’m at least an eight in good light,” I replied. 
“I’ll take that as a yes,” said the captain entering the room. He looked at me in my long skirt and simple bodice. “Hmm, knowing what you’re like the rest of the time, this just doesn’t suit you.”
“I know, but in order to pull off the disguise I have to appear to be an actual woman,” I shrugged. “It’s a shame but there we are, but you know I do come with boobs I have to be able to use them for something.”

I whipped off a high heel, she’d given me stilettos to make me taller, thing about those is that they’re really pointy and sharp, I jammed one into his throat nicking it slightly. “Shout out for help and the only way you’ll be leaving this room is in a wooden box, understand me?”

“She got a body like a goddess,”…which one? I thought, there are some elder goddesses about, and the Syltare goddess of motherhood is permanently pregnant and pretty large…there there’s the one with six arms, and Fyr who goddess of the hunt who has antlers and fur…or worse…the dark goddess of Syltare, Emyline, who has grey skin, red eyes, long claws…and the body of a spider…Got to be specific when you say goddess, who knows what you’d end up with otherwise?

“Go on then,” he moved towards me. “I dare you,” he paused looking at my grinning face. “What’s the matter Ryn? Don’t you trust me?” 
He looked at me, his eyes narrowing. “Uhmmm…is this a trick question?” 
“I don’t know Ryn…is it?” I said smiling at him, a lovely smile, the sinister one…bear in mind the last thing he saw me do was sneak through the city, kill people, and stick one to Jack who seemed to be some kind of god here. 
“Uhm…I think…I’m good yeah,” he said moving away from me. 
“Smart move,” I said. 

“Oh rightful eh? By enforced illegal marriage by threat of further death to citizens? A marriage performed by Joselan priests he had captive…who he then had killed anyway…if that’s legal then til death us do part it is.”
“Yep,” I said. “A death that should only be a few hours away, well his anyway,” I nodded. “Will you be wearing black?” 
“I won’t be mourning him,” she snarled. 
I smiled. “I meant executioner black.”
Her eyes glowed with power. “Maybe,” she said. “Just maybe.”

“After hearing some of the things you’ve done I’m surprised that there’s anything left that you haven’t done,” that was after hearing the truth or lie thing earlier.
“Oh there’s a few, I haven’t kidnapped a god yet,” I put a finger to my mouth. “I should put that on my bucket list.”

“I’ve come to see you as just one of the lads,” said Felix trying to defend himself. 
“I’m one of the lads that has boobs, and stunning hair, and other bits that are off-limits despite what grey beehive-haired bitches say,” I said firmly. 
He looked confused. “I don’t follow.” 
“The bitch that runs the brothel, which reminds me, I’m sort of entirely on the run at the moment,